My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
