We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
