I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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