As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
