I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
