May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
