He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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