you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
