I could have mohawked her pubes.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
