Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
