So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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