He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
