What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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