I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize