We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize