If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
