You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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