Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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