White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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