rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
