somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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