I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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