ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
