I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
