Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize