before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
