I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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