saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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