tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
