um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
