I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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