I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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