as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
