I got chris browned last night
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
