shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
