I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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