"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
