With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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