these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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