i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
