I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
