The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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