Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
