I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
