Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
