I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I have so many feelings about this burrito
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
