Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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