Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
