Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
