At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
