You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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