i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
