bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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