Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
