I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
