He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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