so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
