so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize