Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
