saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
