I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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