I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
